songlyrics

This part of the website will be expanded when time permits. If
there is a particular lyric that you want ASAP, send me an e-mail,
and I will send it to you pronto. I am happy to share the lyrics for
the Mister Joe songs with all of my friends. ENJOY and SHARE !!

The Chihuahua Song
(Joe Pinson, ASCAP, and Steve Fowler)

CHORUS: Lady, that's a mighty fine Chihuahua.
Is it a he or a she-wa-wa?
I bet it looks exactly like its mama.
Lady, that'a a mighty fine Chihuahua.

I like its cute little nose, and its lack of clothes,
and I like the little wiggle in its back side.
My Aunt Gladys, the nurse,
kept her pooch in her purse.
Every time I'd come to visit,
it would climb in there to hide.
REPEAT CHORUS

Uncle George had some rats in his warehouse.
He sent in his Chihuahua to flush them out.
He was waiting at the door
with a shotgun in hand -
And accident'ly pelted the wrong little snout.
REPEAT CHORUS

Don't think these teeny weeny dogs are weaklings.
Each is very strong in its own way.
I remember the Chihuahua
that belonged to cousin Bill:
It gave orders to a pit bull every day.
REPEAT CHORUS

Wherever you are, the Chihuahua is a star.
In Monterrey, Manhattan, or Morocco.
With its clever little grin and its disappering chin -
It makes you think you ought to buy a taco.
REPEAT CHORUS

Dr. Phil (Joe Pinson, ASCAP)

Linda's out there havin' fun with everyone.
Her husband says she's nothin' but a flirt.
Too much booze makes him lose his self-control.
If they don't "get real", someone's gonna get hurt

CHORUS: Does the road you travel always seem uphill?
Do the people in your life give you chill?
Are you always out there looking for - another purple pill?
Don't despair - think NO HAIR - tune in to Doctor Phil.

Sammy is a super-size with big brown eyes.
His mama says her baby boy is FAT.
Sam agrees that he's attracted to burgers and fries.
And the people at Mickey Dee's are pleased about that.
REPEAT CHORUS

Bertha and Bert are old as dirt, but they still like to do it.
She's the one who's ready for fun,
but sometimes he's not UP to it.
He tried the pill that claims it will
keep you going strong all night.
She called time in round number nine
and started another fight.
REPEAT CHORUS

TAG: Doctor Phil, Doctor Phil.
He wants to help us get it right, and he's hopin' we will.
If on life's track you're slippin' back or -
just standin' still. Don't despair - think NO HAIR -
tune in to Doctor Phil.

Black Cadillac (Joe Pinson, ASCAP)

There's a black Cadillac
with a door on the back,
and it's waiting just for you.
It may be today, it may be tomorrow,
or when you're a hundred and two.
But the man who owns that car
will one day show you what it's like inside.
How's it gonna feel in that box of steel,
when you take your very last ride?

CHORUS: You won't feel nothin', Jack,
'cause you'll be dead.
They'll be no more thoughts of
things you'd like to do
dancin' around in your head.
It'll be too late to fill your plate
with all that stuff you've never done.
Don't waste another day while you're okay.
Get out and have some fun.

We wallk around blind
to the passing of time,
'cause we're just too busy to see
that the clock on the wall is a wake-up call
that's intended for you and me.
When you breathe your last -
go out with a blast -
to meet and greet your maker.
How's it gonna feel in that box of steel
when your chauffeur is the undertaker?
REPEAT CHORUS

Promise Me (Joe Pinson, ASCAP)

CHORUS: Promise me you'll never, ever
promise me again.
I don't want to be your lover,
if I can't be your friend.
When you say this and then do that,
there's no way we can win.
Promise me you'll never, ever promise me
again.

1. You promised that you'd stay in shape,
forever trim and lean. Then old King Cable
crowned you the couch potato queen.
You promised that you'd get a job to help me
pay the bills. Then you found out that going
to work is - not a bowl of thrills.

REPEAT CHORUS

2. You promised that you'd be okay, if I went
out with the boys. When I came home at
three a.m., I've never heard such noise.
You promised that you'd learn to cook to
kindle my desire. That meal of dreams went
up in smoke, when you set the house on fire.

REPEAT CHORUS

Get A life (Joe Pinson, ASCAP)

1. Well, I wave and say hello to a stranger,
and the response is nothing - NA-DA.
Either this person is blind and deaf
or still marching to orders from MAMA,
who taught about the danger
of talking to a stranger - anywhere or
anytime on this green earth.
God forbid you decide you're not a kid and
disappoint the woman who gave you birth,

CHORUS: You're a big girl, Sam.
You're a big boy, Sue.
It's time to stop lettin' others think for you.
Time to come out from under mama's skirt.
Cross the street - play in the dirt.
When you were small, she did it all,
and you can thank your lucky stars for that.
Time to move on - sing your own song.
Use your head for more
than just a place for hang your hat.

2. I know people with a college education
who still depend on mama to pay the rent.
If they ever leave space
and join the human race,
they'll have to learn to spell EMPLOYMENT.
Eagles push their babies off the cliffs.
It's the only way they ever learn to fly.
If mama won't push,
maybe you should jump.
Kiss that co-dependency goodbye.

REPEAT CHORUS

Mister Joe is working on a
new CD with the working title
The Unsinkable Mister Joe.
It is an inside joke that those
who know Mister Joe will
appreciate. Watch the website
for announcement of the
release - probably in the
summer of 2006.

Washin' Feet (Joe Pinson, ASCAP)

I was killin' time in terminal nine,
waitin' for a flight to Fresno.
It was gettin' late,
so I started for the gate,
then I got this urge to go.
I headed for the men's room,
hopin' it was empty, 'cause it's
not the best place to meet and greet.
I was washin' my hands,
when I noticed next to me
a man with a natural tan
washin' his feet.

CHORUS
Please don't wash your feet in the men's room.
Please don't brush your teeth in the water fountain.
You need to find yourself a home -
a place of your own.
Somewhere out there -
maybe on top of a mountain.
Where you can take care of your business
all by yourself
and learn about a thing we call privacy.
When you do whatever you do, it'll be just you,
and that would be okay with me.

I told my friend this story,
which is weird without a doubt.
She asked "What else did he wash?" I said,
I didn't stick around to find out.
Some things you just don't need to know,
and this restroom thing would qualify.
Every situation doesn't need an explanation.
Sometimes you just don't need - to know why.

CHORUS

TAG: I hear there's a vacant cabin way out yonder.
Used to be the home of the guy who's known
as the unabomber. The rent is cheap,
and the neighbors are few and far between.
When the weather is nice, you can melt some ice,
and keep your tootsies clean.

Song Lyrics

The Hat Song (Joe Pinson, ASCAP)

I was shopping down at the thrift store -
one day last week.
Not because I'm thrifty - but because I'm cheap.
This hat on the shelf was sittin' there all alone,
so I took it down, brushed it off, and tried it on.
It fit me like a glove, and I knew I had found -
something that was going to turn my life around.

Wearin' a dead man's hat is not like - wearin' his shoes.
It can fit real tight and be all right,
even when you've got the blues.
The women see me as a man who knows where it's at.
There's nothin' I swear that can quite compare
to wearin' a dead man's hat.

This hat is something special -
grey felt with at large black band.
Fits me like a custom job, and put's me in command.
The guy who owned this hat is somewhere -
pushin' up dirt and flowers.
And that may be - the very key -
to all of its magic powers.
If guys only knew the feeling I get, whenever I put it on.
They'd be asking friends to will them hats -
whenever they're gone.

Wearin' dead man's hat is not like - wearin' his clothes.
It connects your head to a feller who's dead,
and the feeling grows and grows.
You do cool things, and when you talk,
you sound like a diplomat.
There's nothin' I swear that can quite compare
to wearin' a dead man's hat.

Money (Steve Fowler & Joe Pinson, ASCAP)

CHORUS: Money changin' from hand to hand,
all across this great big land -
keeps the wheels of business turning - all the time.
Money comes to visit you.
It's gone before the day is through.
Changin' hands so fast it really - blows your mind.

The grocer pays the farmer,
the farmer pays the bank.
The banker gives it to Uncle Sam -
to buy us another tank.
The patient pays the doctor.
The doctor pays the nurse.
And on the day they lay you away -
somebody pays the hearse. REPEAT CHORUS

The shopper pays the salesman.
The salesman pays the store.
Your merchandise is guaranteed -
till you walk out the door.
The passenger pays the airline.
The airline pays the crew.
You fly to New York City;
your bags go to Kalamazoo. REPEAT CHORUS

The gambler pays the bookie.
The bookie pays the mob.
If someone doesn't pay on time,
they call in big bad Bob.
The criminal pays the lawyer.
The lawyer pays the judge.
His honor wakes up to say "dismissed",
when someone gives him a nudge.
REPEAT CHORUS

Happiness (Joe Pinson, ASCAP)

CHORUS: Well, I never owned a brand new
Cadillac, or the latest Mercedes Benz.
There were time I had the money,
but I spent it on my friends.
Less is usually more; that's where happiness
begins.
No, I never owned a brand new Cadillac
or the latest Mercedes Benz.

1. You tool around town, feelin' down,
not knowing just who you are.
You decide the solution to this confusion
is to go out and buy a new car.
You get your wheels, you cruise the streets,
thinkin' how cool you must look.
But down inside you know it's just another
ride;
and all you get - is deeper in debt -
and one more payment book. CHORUS

2. You buy new clothes, you get a new nose,
you tuck your tummy, you get a tatoo.
That thing you're seekin' is out there
somewhere,
just around the corner - another week or two.
The preachers on the tube say you ought to
be saved. The porn sites invite you to be
depraved.
None of them deliver on the promises they
make.
They reach out and touch - to see how much -
of your money they can take. CHORUS