The Underwear Song (Joe Pinson, ASCAP) I was walking through the women's boutique at Penneys, As if I didn’t have - better things to do. There's a section that’s devoted to nothing but panties. Every color under the sun - plus one or two. As I moved through “pantyland” I got to thinking, How does a woman choose the ones she wears? Do they match her outer garments or the color of her eyes? And does she know that she’s the only one cares? CHORUS:  Tell me dear, if you hear, when I whisper in your ear, What color panties are you - wearing tonight? Are they red, are they green, or somewhere in between? Do they - glow in the dark, when you - turn out the light? Does the color that you hide - make you feel good down inside? Match your hair - everywhere - or just what's out of sight? If you're wearing any dear - please whisper in my ear, Tell me, what color panties are you wearing tonight? Now the thought of an old man writin’ songs about panties Makes all the hot young women fret and frown. It would really make their day, if I’d just stay away, Keep my singin’ to myself and not come around. They think that my advancing years and - too many parties Would have left me nothing but - senile and square. Instead in me they find - a man with an ancient mind Who’s thinkin’ weird thoughts about their underwear. REPEAT CHORUS